


Out of Ashes

by RacingHeart



Category: Political RPF - US 20th c.
Genre: Affairs, Campy, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, One Night Stands, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart
Summary: The President, the First Lady, and a Senator are all struggling to keep their latest scandals out of the media's reach and the eyes of the public. But with political pawns and favors being traded everywhere how long can they keep things under wrap? Could an intern save the day?
Relationships: Bill Clinton & Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton/Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton/John Kerry
Comments: 88
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is a reworking of Keep Me in the Dark. This is the original direction I wanted. Something light and campy. 
> 
> Bill is still president. Hillary is still first lady. Scandal just happened. I have decided to make them a little younger and deaged them back down to early 40s' I think the rest is self explanatory.

October 1998

The White House lawn was packed. The press was literally everywhere. An assassination attempt on Al Gore, the Vice President of the United States was all the entire world was talking about. He and First Lady Hillary Rodham were giving a speech when a rogue shooter got off three shots at their podium. Mass chaos ensured and the Vice President was whisked away to Bethesda and Hillary was taken straight back to the White House and put on lockdown after seeing the staff physician. 

President Clinton couldn’t move fast enough. The shock momentarily froze him in his place, but the moment Hillary’s name was uttered she was all he could think about. Assurances that she was fine and that her senior security detail was with her did nothing to abate his worry.

Long legs briskly carried him up the stairs to the residence and down the corridor to the Lincoln bedroom where he was told she was. Two Secret Service Agents immediately stepped out of the way letting him pass thru. “Hillary?” he called out, voice unsteady and weak. “Honey?”

Peter, her senior agent, came out of the bathroom holding her once beige coat and matching dress. “Sir…Mr. President …she’s uh…” unshed tears flooded his eyes. “She needs you.”

“Thank you.” Bill nodded curtly and proceeded into the bathroom Peter had just exited. “Hillary?”

She was standing outside of the shower, watching as the spray of water pelted the tile on the floor below. Still clad in her slip, drying blood coating the some of the lace of the hem, she turned to face him. Hands red, face and neck and hair catching some of the blood splatter as well.

“Oh my God, Hillary.” He approached her slowly. “Are you okay?” he asked, slowly and softly. His eyes darting over her, taking in every inch he could see. “You’re not hurt? Physically?”

She simply shook her head. “Al.” she sobbed. “Oh, Bill, there was so much…” she looked down at her shaking hands. “I don’t think he’s going to..”

“Shh.” He reached for her hands and steadied them in his. “He’s in the best possible hands right now. Things are different than when Kennedy was…” he stopped himself short of saying the word: assassination. “This is different.”

Hillary nodded and took a slightly uneven breath. “I know,” she sniffed. “I can’t...” she looked at the shower and then back at Bill. “I can’t…the blood…”

He cradled her face in his hands. “It’s okay, I’m here,” he assured her. “I’m right here, honey. Just tell me what you need.”

She squeezed her eyes closed, hot tears falling down her face. “I need to get…I need to get it off of me!” she cried in frustration.

“I’ll help you,” he said, softly. “I’m here, you’re safe.”

Hillary knew he was right. She was safe with him. Maybe too safe. The anger from his betrayal was still fresh and she didn’t want to fall back into old patterns. But right now, she needed him. She slowly opened her eyes and looked up into his worried face. “Okay,” she softly agreed. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he softly caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I love you. I love you so much. I’ve been going crazy with worry. Even though they told me you were okay, I couldn’t…I couldn’t believe it until I saw you with my own eyes.”

Hillary closed her eyes again and she melted against him. “I love you too.” Because she did love him. Despite everything she desperately loved him. And the sobs came again. Uncontrollable and bubbling out of her like a fountain. This had been her biggest fear when Bill became president. And now it had happened to Al.

He wrapped her safely and securely in his arms. Wanting to take away everything that happened in the past three hours. He gently rubbed her back, soothing her even further. “I love you,” he told her, again. “Let me take care of you. Let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll get you something to help you sleep.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Does that sound okay?”

She nodded against him, a soft yes was whispered, and she broke their embrace. She wanted to wash it all away. The entire day.  
Bill helped her undress. He was gentle and delicate in his actions. Their separation was a difficult one because they still had to interact. “I was so scared. They told me two people were hit during the speech and all I could think about was you. You don’t know how relieved I am. I mean, I hate that Al was shot and Evans, but I’m so relieved.”

He stripped down as well and then stepped into the shower, reaching out his hand and guiding her inside. It was an incredibly intimate moment. Not physically even though they were both naked, but because everything was so raw. She was letting him take care of her. 

The water began to cascade over her, hitting the darkened blood and turning it lighter as it mingled with the water and ran off her skin. Her stomach seesawed at the sight. Bill reached out to steady her. “Close your eyes,” he instructed, reaching for the soap and the washcloth. “I’ll wash you off.”

“It all happened so quickly, Billy,” she said, closing her eyes. “Evans was hit and still managed to get me to safety.”

“He has my undying gratitude.” Ever so carefully he began to wash her. Comfortable silence lingered between them and the thudding in his heart began to slow. She was safe and physically unharmed. And for that he would forever be grateful. “You have no idea how guilty I feel.”

Hillary opened her eyes to look up at him. “Guilty? Why?”

“Because I was an absolute idiot. Having an affair with an intern, a woman half my age. I’ve been stupid and you deserve so much better.”

“Bill, can we not do this right now?”

“I could have lost you today,” he continued. “You could have been shot and killed.”

“Yes, I could have, but that has nothing to do with your affair. You made that choice. Today someone else made a choice to fire a gun multiple times in my direction. It likely had nothing to do with you. Stop making everything about you. You fucked up. You’re sorry. I know.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m trying, Hillary.”

She was quiet. Things between them had been difficult. This affair was different from the rest. This one had played out on the national stage. It cut deeper and was slower to heal. It was been months and it still just fucking hurt. 

“Here, let me wash your hair.” He reached for the shampoo bottle and poured some into his hand. “I want you to lie down and rest.”

“I’m so worried about Al and about Tipper. Their kids.”

He began to work a lather into her blonde tresses. “I know you are, I am too, but you need to take care of yourself as well.”

“I know.” she agreed. “Peter said he would let me know the updates as he received them. I promised Chelsea I would call her back as soon as I could. She was so scared.”

“I talked to Chelsea on my way here.” he told her. “She was still shaken, but she was much calmer now. Dorothy and I agreed that she should stay with her for right now because of the press. As soon as it lifts a little we’ll get her in here.”

Hillary leaned back into the warm water to rinse her hair. “As much as I want her here with me this is no situation for a sixteen year old girl. She’s safer with mom out of reach.”

“She understands that.” he reached for the conditioner. “Right now, we’re all on the same page, you need to be taken care of.”

“I can’t relax here, Bill,” she told him. The White House residence still made her uneasy. Everything that happened always had a way of rushing back to her every time she was alone with Bill in the residence. “Can’t I go home?”

Hillary had been spending the majority of her time across the street at Blair House. She was much more comfortable there. 

He gave her a sympathetic smile. “How does Camp David sound? Would you be more comfortable there?”

Hillary mulled it over. “I don’t know, Bill,” she sighed. “But I can’t stay here with you. I can’t do it.”

“I understand,” he whispered. “You need to do what’s best for you.”

/////

Skipping out on her detail was much easier than she anticipated. She simply told them she was going to bed and then made her way out of a side entrance and down the street, blending in with some of the other aides and politicians making their way home for the evening. It didn’t take long for her to reach her destination. She knocked softly on the door and a few moments later it opened. 

“Hillary.” John said, stunned. “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next installment. Things pick up from here.

Out of Ashes

John reached out for her and quickly pulled her inside his residence. He glanced around for Secret Service or other onlookers as he shielded her with the heavy wooden door. “Are you alone?”

“Of course.” she replied. “Aren’t I always?”

John gave one last look around. “Even Peter?” he asked. Peter sometimes lurked behind her. Sometimes with her knowledge and he knew sometimes without. 

“I went out the side service entrance.”

Satisfied with her answer, John shut the door and carefully locked it behind her. “How the hell did you manage to escape?” he damn near demanded. “After everything that happened today?”

“Resilience.” she replied. “And decades of experience.”

John’s eyes carefully roamed over her, quickly taking in every inch of her, cataloguing it to when he last saw her. “You’re not hurt?”

Hillary shook her head. “Not physically.”

“Press hasn’t said much.”

She shrugged. “Press doesn’t know much.” she countered. “It’s better that way.”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “You don’t need me to tell you that this was incredibly dangerous on your part.”  
“I didn’t come here for a lecture.”

“No?” he questioned. “Why did you come here, Hillary?”

“Because I needed a friend. Someone who I knew wouldn’t judge. Someone who would listen and understand where I was coming from,” she explained. “I needed you.”

They had been here before, more than once since the scandal broke. And it was insanely dangerous territory. The attraction between them was too strong. Too palpable. He wasn’t even sure he could be friends with her. And whilst nothing had really ever happened between them they still seemed to be drawn to each other like moths to flames. 

“I’m always here for you, you know that.”

“But what…?” she challenged. 

He shook his head. “But nothing,” he replied. “I’m here for you.” She had been on his mind since the shooting. And he would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved to find her on his doorstep. “I’m sorry.” he apologized, reaching out and cupping her face. “Are you okay?”

Hillary sighed brokenly. “No.” she whispered. “I’m not okay.”

He drew her into his embrace and wrapped his arms tightly around her. “You don’t have to be okay. You don’t have to be anything with me,” he whispered and then placed a kiss against the top of her head. “Just yourself.”

She practically melted into his warmth. She felt a safety and security with him that she had only felt very few times in her life, with her mother, with Bill, and with Peter. And all for different reasons. So when she felt it with John it initially scared her and she fought it. Danced around it. But once she left the White House earlier she had wanted to be with John. For his friendship and comfort and warmth, and most of all for the way he made her feel safe in the midst of chaos. 

They stood together for the longest time, just existing. John wanted her to feel as comfortable and as in control as possible. She sought him out for a reason and perhaps that’s what scared him the most. Not knowing where the evening might lead. Because the last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of her vulnerability. 

“Why don’t we go into the living room and I’ll fix you a drink?” he suggested. “We can relax and talk. Or maybe just exist. It’s up to you.”

“Yes to the drink.” she said, pulling back. “And yes to existing.”

John took her hand in his and guided her toward the modest living room. It was cozy and dimly lit. Full of leather and dark accents. Embers smoldered in the fireplace. There was an open decanter on the coffee table with an empty glass sitting beside it and a book laying facedown. 

“Did I interrupt something?” she asked, glancing at the title of the book. 

“Just a distraction.” he replied, making his way to the dry bar. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Didn’t really take you for a Roald Dahl fan.”

“I became a fan when my girls were little. We must have read James and the Giant Peach a good two dozen times,” he laughed. “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has always been my favorite though. Takes me back to simpler times, you know?”

Hillary smiled. “Yes, I do,” she slipped her shoes off and sank down on the sofa, tucking her leg up underself. “What I wouldn’t give to be about seven again.”

“Here’s to the past.” John presented a martini glass to her. “Vodka,” he announced. “Stirred. Three olives.”

“Perfection,” she complimented, accepting the glass. “Thank you.”

John sat down on the edge of the sofa and refilled his tumbler. “Hungry?” he asked, sliding back into a more comfortable position. 

“Peter practically force fed me some pasta,” she sipped her drink. “Why are they so good when you make them?”

“That’s my secret.”

“Oh, yeah?” she challenged. “I guess I’ll have to appoint you my own personal bartender for all White House functions.”

He chuckled. “Now that would be an interesting room to work.”

“You have no idea.” she replied, dryly. The drink was downed and she placed the empty glass on the table. 

“I’m sorry,” he immediately apologized. “I’m supposed to be making you feel better. You’ve had a hell of a day.” 

Hillary took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I’m just relieved it’s almost over. Assasination has always lingered in the back of my mind but I never thought....I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.”

John reached across the back of the cushions to where her hand was resting and laced his fingers through hers. “Do you want to talk about it? Might help.”

She was momentarily taken aback by his gesture. It seemed so intimate but so natural at the same time. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “It all happened so fast I’m not even sure what actually happened.”

He caressed her hand with the pad of his thumb. “What do you remember?”

“Blood.” she said, closing her eyes. “So much blood. He didn’t even make a sound. Not that I heard anyway. Shots rang out. Loudly, So loudly. They echoed almost, it was like slow motion. We ducked and then I felt this weight sinking onto me, it was Evans and Butler shielding us. Al’s face was completely blank, I don’t think he realized what was happening.” she recalled. “I remember looking down and seeing blood all over my dress and coat. I remember pressing my hands against his wound, trying to stop the bleeding. I remember Evans asking repeatedly if I had been hit.” tears started streaming down her face. “I was rushed to a moving SUV and once the door was closed we sped away and the agents were all over me, pulling at my dress,” she opened her eyes to look at him. “I wasn’t even sure if I had been shot or not.”

John scooted closer to her and cupped her face in his gentle hands. “You’re safe now,” he whispered as he pulled her into his chest. “I’ve got you.”

Hillary buried her head into the crook of his neck. “Am I?”

“You’re always safe with me,” he said, stroking shiny blonde tresses. “Just relax. Nice deep breaths.”

They sat like that for the longest time until Hillary pulled back to look at him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For welcoming me in,” she explained. “Things didn’t exactly end well the last time we saw each other. The last time I was here.” she clarified. They had worked together a few times over the past two weeks but her last visit to his townhouse ended in tears. “I’m sorry for what happened, John.”

“There’s no need to apologize,” he assured her. “I was trying to prevent you from doing something you would regret.”

Hillary sat up straight on the sofa. “I wouldn’t have regretted it.”

“You say that now,” he reached for his tumbler. “And you say that because I stopped things. I know you, Hillary, you would have been consumed by regret and guilt. Two heavy burdens to carry on top of this current shitshow.”

She sighed heavily. Maybe he was right. The press was scrutinizing every single move she made and she just wanted to feel something other than grief, anger, and pity. And truth be told she wanted to feel needed and desired . She wanted to be as selfish and reckless as Bill had been.

“I know, John.”

But her feelings had lingered and her mind wandered back to John and that night so many times. The feel of her mouth against his, the touches that passed between them, the feeling of pleasure that coursed through her veins. It was everything she wanted. And she was allowed to want too. To need. To desire. To seek pleasure. 

“I couldn’t let you do that, Hillary. I couldn’t let you abandon everything you believe in, everything you hold dear for fleeting pleasure. You would never have forgiven yourself. You would have ever forgiven me.”

She eyed him, his feelings on his sleeve, his vulnerabilities just as painful as hers. After all his wife had done the same thing to him. The only difference was Teresa wasn’t the president of the United States. Her story was tabloid fodder for no more than a week. Hillary’s ran every single day. Each article more hurtful than the last. 

“I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself,” she told him. “This is not the first time I’ve been through this.”

“This is the first time on the world stage.”

Hillary got up from the sofa and walked over to the window, peering out of the blinds, looking for Peter. He always had a way of finding her. Even when she didn’t want to be found. “And don’t I deserve a little grace? Don’t I deserve something?”

“We both know you’re never going to leave Bill,” he picked up her empty martini glass and carried it back over to the bar. “The two of you are a team no matter what.” He poured the remaining contents of the shaker into the glass. “You’re going to forgive him and move past this.”

“And you’ll forgive Teresa too.”

“Probably.” he countered, “But if I take you to bed then we won’t have the moral ground will we?”

“In this town morals are overrated.”

John handed her the full glass. “You don’t really believe that,” he challenged. “Especially not after today. Would you have really wanted your last thoughts to have been full of guilt and regret?”

She took a sip of the martini and pondered his thoughts. “Maybe the regret would have been not being selfish and doing something for myself. Maybe we should just take every opportunity we have to bring ourselves some happiness,” she finished off her drink. “Is that wrong?”

“Not at all,” he agreed. “I still think you’re vulnerable and hurting.”

“I am,” she concluded, placing her glass down on the bar. “And I would like to feel something other than hurt. Especially now. Especially today.”

“This is a conversation you should be having with Bill.”

“Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep pushing me toward him?” her voice was a little louder and angrier than she would have liked, but she couldn’t help it. “I’m absolutely horrified and humiliated by him. We may work things out in the end but right now I don’t want to. Right now I want to be selfish and carefree.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Save it, John,” she sighed. “I shouldn't have come here. I don’t know what I was thinking. I knew better,” she told him. “Thank you for the drinks.”

John watched as she retreated from the living room and toward the door. “Wait!.” he called out after her. “Hilllary, don’t go.”

Her hand was already on the doorknob. “I think it’s for the best,” she began opening the door. “Goodnight, John.”

His large hand splayed over the heavy wooden door, pushing it shut. “Please don’t go.”

Hillary turned around to face him. “I don’t want to keep doing this with you. I can’t keep doing this with you. Every time we get close you push me away,” tears began to pool in her eyes. “I cannot handle anymore rejection.”

John’s hand remained on the door. They were close. So close. He looked down at her, towering over her. “Fuck!” he breathed out. “I’m not rejecting you!”

“Then what is it?” she asked, eyes wide and dark as she peered up at him. And when the silence lingered her hands pushed against the planes of his chest, shoving him away. “I’m leaving!” she turned to open the door but he spun her back around, pushing her up against it. 

“We agreed to be honest with each other.” he told her. “I’m afraid. Okay? I’m afraid to do this with you!”

Hillary rested her head against the door. “Why?”

“Because you’re the First Lady!”

“I’m also human, John, in case you’ve forgotten!”

“I never said you weren’t!” he yelled back. “I’m afraid of wanting more. More than either of us can give.”

“There’s only so far this can go, John,” she assured him. “There’s no need to complicate things. No strings attached.”

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We fucking won!!!
> 
> Okay now relax because Bill gets a turn in the next chapter ;)

Out of Ashes

“Are you sure?” 

The question hung in the air like a fog. One so thick that it could have been cut by a knife. The room had grown warmer, her cheeks flush, his breathing heavier. The implications of a supposed tryst seemed to smother them to the point of breathlessness. 

She wasn’t just someone else’s wife. And he wasn’t just someone else’s husband. They both held high positions with even steeper fallouts of their actions. Actions that they had condemned their own spouses of, although through two entirely different approaches. Hillary had erupted in despair and anger whilst John had gone silent and stoic. The outcome was the same though, both hurt beyond recognition, both shattered beyond repair. 

“No,” she breathed out. “I’ve never been more unsure of anything in my entire life.”

His eyes burned into her deep blue ones. She could practically feel the heat emanating from him he was so close. His lips mere inches from hers. “I can walk you home.”

Her eyes dropped down to his parted lips and she found herself licking hers. “Is that what you want?” she asked, her eyes raising to meet his. 

“No,” he replied, softly. “That’s the last thing I want, but I will.”

“That’s not what I want either.”

“What do you want, Hillary?” he asked, cupping her face in his strong hands. “You obviously had something in mind when you came here.”

“You,” she said, simply. “I feel as though everything is upside down and I’m afraid of spinning out of control. I feel safe with you. I know that you would never hurt me. I want to feel something other than…”

“You want comfort.”

“It’s more than that,” she assured him. “I want to feel desired and sexy. I want to feel you against me. Your kisses, your body…I want you so much. I haven’t felt this way about anyone else in a very long time. But if you can’t do this with me then I understand. I don’t want you to have any regr….”

He silenced her with a kiss. Soft lips caught her bottom one between his. And when a slight sigh escaped her, he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing lightly against hers. That was all it took. They were going to go up in flames.

John indulged them in decadently slow, erotic, kisses his hands tangling in blonde tresses as he pressed them tighter against the mahogany door. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him impossibly closer to her. Warmth spread throughout their bodies and radiated outwardly between them. And suddenly kisses weren’t enough no matter how deep or passionate or breathless it made them. 

“Does that answer your question?” he asked, leaning his forehead against hers.

“Yes,” she breathed out, titling her head up so that their lips met again. “I want you so much.” Her hands went for hem of his tee shirt, sliding up underneath the soft fabric, her fingertips grazed over his stomach, his skin warm, his muscles tight. 

John pulled his shirt up over his head and discarded it on the floor next to them. He was well toned, but not overly so, graying chest hair making him even sexier than she imagined. Her hands slid up his chest, caressing as she went until her arms went up around his neck, pulling him down for another devouring kiss. One that started out smooth and unhurried but grew sloppy and rushed as his large hands gripped her hips tightly, pressing his lower body into hers.

Hillary moaned into the kiss and when she felt his fingers on the button of her jeans a chill ran down her spine and heat settled heavy between her thighs. She was aching to be touched, to forget about absolutely everything. Even if just for a while. And John was a damn good distraction. There was something mysterious about him but yet familiar and comforting at the same time. His build was similar to Bill’s, but his touch different, lighter. That of someone exploring her body for the very first time and that alone made her want more and more of him. 

“You’re so sexy,” his breath was hot against her ear and she shivered as his fingers dipped down into her now open jeans, brushing against soft lace. “Can I touch you?” his fingers toyed with the band of her panties before slipping down inside. “Here?”

Her breath caught in her throat. “Yy..yes.” she stammered. “Please.”

His eyes locked with hers as his fingers swirled over smooth skin. His eyebrow ticked up in surprise. 

“Something wrong?” she asked, smirking.

“Not in the least,” he smiled back, his fingers made their way between her thighs nudging them apart ever so slightly so that his fingers could explore more of her. Her breath hitched when he parted swollen lips. “Mmm,” he hummed. “So wet.”

Hillary reclined her head back against the door and bit down on her bottom lip as he dragged his middle finger through the slickness of her sex. When the tip of his finger grazed over her clit she gasped, her entire body jerking from the sheer pleasure. “John,” she exhaled.

“Yes?” he drew small circles, her hips bucked faintly against his touch. It was too much and yet not enough at the same time. She began to whimper under his ministrations, her body needing more and more. “Upstairs?”

“No,” she protested. 

His wet finger swirled around her clit again. “Sofa then?” he asked. “I can’t really do much with these jeans in the way.”

She opened her mouth to respond but was caught off guard when his fingers entered her, easily slipping inside tight slick heat. A full-on moan escaped her parted lips as her walls involuntarily fluttered around him. “Fuck.”

“Yes, let’s.” He slowly stroked in and out of her. Her hips following his fingers. But she wanted more, he knew she did. He could feel the desperation in her body. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her but before she could protest his hands went to the back of her thighs and he lifted her up into his arms, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist. 

John carried her into the living room and sat her down on the edge of the chaise lounge of the sectional sofa. His hands reached for the waist band of her jeans and swiftly pulled them and her panties off before dropping down to his knees between her parted legs. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Shh,” she silenced him, pulling him to her for another kiss. “Just feel.” Hillary pulled back and lifted her sweater over her head and then reached around and unhooked her bra. She was completely bare in front of him but for some reason didn’t feel exposed. She felt sexy. Wanted. In control.

His eyes roamed over her appreciatively and he instinctively licked his lips. He leaned in and his open mouth covered hers. The kisses that passed between them were liquid smooth and growing more erotic by the moment. John dragged his warm mouth down the side of her neck, down between the swells of her breasts, before finally taking a hardened nipple into his mouth and sucking ever so lightly. 

Hillary’s back arched into him, offering more of herself to him. The burning between her thighs now damn near unbearable. “John,” she damn near panted. “Please…”

His moved to the other breast, his tongue swirling around the nipple before sucking it into his mouth. God, he wanted this. He needed this just as badly as she did. He needed to feel something other than anger and misery and the feel of her at the moment washed everything else away.  
“I can’t…please…John.”

“Tell me what you want.”

She tugged at the waistband of his pajama bottoms. “Take these off,” she damn near demanded. “Come here.”

Hillary watched, rapt, as he stood and began pushing his bottoms down. His hard, thick arousal sprang free from the confines and he groaned in relief. He watched her watching him. Eyes taking him in, the way her tongue swept over her lips and drew the bottom one it into her mouth, biting down before releasing it with a soft moan that made him swallow hard. And when her eyes reached his again, he found them to be darker and desire laden. 

“Come here,” she reached out for him. Her hand slid over the smooth shaft of his hard cock, her mouth automatically opened as she moved closer, ready to take him inside. 

“No,” he protested. His hands were firm on her shoulders, and he used his weight to push her back so that she was lying flat against the chaise. “You relax,” he instructed, standing between her open legs. “Let me take care of you.” His hands gently caressed the silky skin of her outer thighs. “Please.”

Hillary took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, she raised her legs so that the soles of her feet pressed into the cushions. 

“That’s it,” he husked, his fingertips dancing across her knees, “spread your legs for me, baby.”

She automatically did what was requested of her, her thighs falling open, spreading herself for him to see. Her breathing quickened, her heartrate sped up, the reality of what she was doing…what they were doing…threatened to crash down on her. 

His fingertips slowly moved down to her parted thighs, grazing the skin lightly before coming to hover over her drenched sex. And she was absolutely drenched, she glistened before him even in the low lamp light. Again, he dropped to his knees before her and all previous thoughts started to slip from her mind.

Hillary raised up on her elbows watched as his open mouth descended upon her, his eyes flicked upward to hers, his breath hot against her sex. His head dipped and when his warm, smooth, tongue touched against her every thought of guilt she had vanished. 

An upward stroke of the flat of his tongue made her gasp and then hum her appreciation. And so, he did it again and again and again until she was moaning repeatedly. He brought his slick tongue up to her clit, licking over it with the tip and then sucking it into his mouth. Hillary laid back against the sofa, no longer able to hold herself upright. 

And that’s when he practically devoured her. He become more determined to pleasure her, his tongue licking and sucking and teasing to the point that her thighs began to shake. She was close, he could tell by the way she kept arching to him, her hands threaded into his salt and pepper hair, encouraging him to continue.

“John,” she whimpered. “I can’t…” she panted. 

His stiffened tongue delved into her core and his hand went to her hips, holding her down against the chaise as her orgasm crashed over her in rippling waves. It went on what felt like forever, her echoing curses fading into sexy little whimpers as she caught her breath. 

He kissed back up to her mouth and moved forward onto the sofa with her, his body sliding between her open thighs. “Fuck,” he hissed, his cock rubbed audibly against her wetness. “Tell me what you want.”

“More,” she breathed. Another surge of arousal rushed through her veins. The taste of herself on his lips, his cock resting against her. The high of sexual indulgence engulfed her. And left her wanting more. It was what she had wanted, to be selfish and pleasure driven. 

Her hand moved between them, covering his arousal and guiding it to her slick entrance. The head of his thick cock pressed against her made her hips lift up to meet his, wanting to take all of him inside in one swift motion. John granted her wish pushing through velvety warmth until he was deep seated inside of her. 

They moaned out in unison at the sensation. Both of them needing the relief and the release that the moment of penetration brought them. Her walls fluttered around him, still coming down from her orgasm. She was stretched out tightly over him and he honestly didn’t know how long he could last before coming. It had been so long. 

A slow, smooth rhythm started. Long thorough strokes that made her hips lift up to meet his. A push-pull dance that let their bodies acquaint themselves. And it didn’t take long. They started to move out of need, out of want for more. 

John grunted as he stretched out over her, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist so that he could slide in deeper. But it still wasn’t enough for Hillary. 

“Wait!” she panted, pressing at his chest with both of her hands. “Stop.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I want to be on top,” she said, pushing him off of her. 

“Oh,” he grinned devilishly as he sat on the sofa. “You want to be in control?” 

She moved to straddle him. “No, I want to ride you.”

John’s hands went to the curve of her hips as she hovered above him. “I like that idea.”

“I figured you might,” she slowly sank down on him with a loud groan of satisfaction. “God, that feels good.”

His fingertips bit into the flesh of her hips. “Jesus, Hillary.”

“Too much?” she asked. 

“Just right,” he replied, using his grasp to tilt her hips. When she whimpered at the sensation, he raised his hips up, sliding deeper, finding her tighter and hotter around his rigid cock. He fought the urge to slam her down onto him again and again until they both came. Whilst they both needed the release, they also needed the prolonged pleasure, the buildup, before the crash. 

Her hips rolled against his, taking him deep inside of her and then almost completely out again in a torturous tempo. His hips chased hers, his grunting echoing off her panting each time they met deliciously in the middle. She was so snug fitted around him, and he stretched her open with an aching divineness she had forgotten existed. 

John threw his head back on cushion of the sofa, his mouth slack, long, loud, hungry grunts pouring from his lips as she continued to ride him with wild abandon. All her pent-up anger and frustration seeping out of her body with the rise and fall of her hips. Every rough brush of her clit against him causing her to squeeze his cock so tight she could feel every vein, every throb, every hard inch of his smooth skin filling and stretching her to the point of no return. She had to come. 

He could sense her need, her body begging his for release. He wrapped his arms around her, steadying her against him, slowing her down and easing her lips apart with the tip of his tongue. “You want to come,” he said, before his lips claimed hers. 

Hillary moaned into their kiss. God, yes! That’s exactly what she wanted. She allowed him to indulge her in sensual kisses as his hands slid down her back, grabbing her ass and pulling her further onto him. Hot walls tightened, wetness flooded around his thick cock, and she began to flutter around him. “Oh, fuck!” she rasped. “You’re so deep…I can’t…John!”

“Don’t hold back,” he whispered, hotly, against her lips. “Come for me.” His hands threaded into her thick hair and his warm breath danced against the flushed flesh of her neck. “I want to feel you come on me, Hillary.”

The smoothness of his words. The implication of them. The sheer desire to let go and give in won her over. And so that’s exactly what she did. She pressed down against him. Her body jerked against his and then she stilled, riding out the incredible orgasm he was offering her. Her inner walls grasped him, rippling like waves against his hard cock, thick fluid flowing over him, whimpers that turned into gasps and then full on moans that echoed off brownstone walls. She was whole again. Full again. Her again. Hillary Rodham! Bill Clinton be damned!

He practically held his breath through the onslaught of her orgasm. And when it peaked, and the rolling stopped he pushed up into her and held her hips tightly in his hands. Her body taking everything he had to offer. Every last hot spurt of him coursed through his swollen cock and into her depths. Consequences be damned. All of them.

And when breathing had returned to normal and she lifted her head off his slick chest to look at him, he waited. He held his breath and waited for the onslaught of guilt to unravel. But it never came. She was so sexy disheveled. Tousled hair, flushed skin, swollen lips. 

Not only did the guilt not come, but she seemed to be peaceful. Calm. Not just vindicated in her actions but at total peace with them. The wetness seeping between her thighs was a reminder of that. A reminder that she had wanted him. Every solid inch of him. And that he wanted her just as much. 

“Thank you,” she panted, “I needed that.”

He couldn’t stop the grin that spread over his lips. “Yes, I could tell.” 

“Don’t gloat,” she laughed. “It’s uncouth. Not very gentlemanly.”

His hands caressed up and down her sides. “I suppose I should say thank you as well.”

“It sure as hell wouldn’t hurt.” she joked. “We’ve made quite the mess, Senator.”

“I have a remedy for that.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“A nice hot shower,” he told her with a wicked smile. “Care to join me?”

“How could I possibly say no?”

The shower proved to be a lengthy one. And a hot one at that. Leading to another exploration of their bodies. This time a quick round, but just as fulfilling as the last. It seemed to be addictive. Seeking pleasure with no strings attached. For a brief moment Hillary understood Bill’s fuckups. But she pushed it down because what she was doing was different. It was a direct cause of his actions. Somehow it made it rational in her mind. 

A loud obtrusive knocking at the back door was a stinging reminder of reality. One that Hillary knew she would have to face the moment she stepped foot outside of John’s home. She had just finished dressing and she could hear the conversation taking place in the kitchen. 

The moment John opened the door, Peter pushed it open and made his way inside. “Do come in, Agent North,” John said, closing the door behind him. “What can I do for you?”

“I came for the First Lady, Senator Kerry.” Peter told him. “I know she’s here.”

John nodded. “She is.”

Peter just stood silently waiting. He wasn’t there to make small talk. He was simply there to make sure Hillary made it home safely. It was his duty and one that he took very seriously. 

“Well then.” John sighed. “I’ll let her know that you’re here.”

Peter nodded, never wavering from his position. 

John came into the living room to find Hillary slipping her shoes on. “Your Fairy Godmother has arrived. Seems you’re about to turn back into a pumpkin.”

She glanced at the clock on the mantel. “I can’t believe it’s taken him this long,” she replied. “Peter is nothing if not thorough.”

“Will he say anything?” The thought of this causing any sort of trouble for her was more than he could bare. 

“No.” she replied, with confidence. “Peter is my guy, not Bill’s.”

“I just…I don’t want you to get hurt. Judged.” he clarified. “Tattled on.”

Hillary chuckled. “Relax, John. It doesn’t work like that.”

John nodded. “Good.”

“What we do in our spare time is nobody else’s business,” she told him. “I’m certainly not as stupid or naïve as an intern. I can trust Peter. Like I know I can trust you.”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” he chided. 

“You damn well better not,” she smiled as she stepped closer to him. “Because I really think I would like to do this again.”

Tbc…


	4. Chapter 4

Out of Ashes

Peter North led the way out of John Kerry’s brownstone, stopping to help Hillary down the two steps from the stoop to the carport. He kept her hand in his, eventually tucking her arm in his as he led her down the small alley way and onto the main, lit street. There were still a handful of people out and about, moving along the street, either on their way home from work or dinner.

“No car?” Hillary asked as they started down the street toward Pennsylvania avenue.

“I thought the night breeze would help clear your mind,” he replied. “Besides it’s not quite ten o’clock yet.”

Hillary remained silent, her arm resting securely in his as they made their way down the sidewalk. The echoing silence was eating at her though. In fact, she didn’t know how much more she could take. “How did you know where I was?” she finally asked. 

“Wasn’t that difficult to figure out.” Peter wasn’t much for small talk. He was all business, but Hillary knew that deep down there was an inexplicable soft spot. One that she had gotten a glimpse of on a few occasions. Most recently the events of earlier in the day after Al’s shooting. 

“Why didn’t you come for me sooner?”

The question hung in the air for several long steps of silence. “I knew where you were,” he finally replied. “Given today’s events.”

“I know I should have told you, Peter.”

“Would have made it easier, ma’am.”

“Sometimes, it’s just too much. All of it. Even before….Monica.”

“I know,” he said, softly “I give you far more leeway than I should. But you have to understand that it’s my duty to keep you safe. Especially after today.”

“I’m sorry, Peter,” she sighed. “I just…I felt as though I was suffocating. I had to get out of there. I had too.”

His hand slid down into hers. “Next time just tell me,” his thumb gently caressed over the back of her hand. “No one has to know. It can be just between the two of us.”

“I don’t want to…involve you…Peter,” she explained. “I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize your career.”

“I’m yours for life, ma’am,” he replied. “I’ll be by your side for as long as I serve. The more open you are with me the better I can protect you. You have to make the decision to trust me.”

“Oh, Peter,” she sighed. “I do trust you. I’ve always trusted you. It’s just that…dammit this is hard for me. Today sure as hell didn’t make anything easier. It’s complicated, it’s messy, it’s incredibly surreal. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.”

“You can count on me, ma’am. I promise you can,” he assured her. “Just be honest. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Fair enough,” she agreed. “Thank you, Peter.”

“Always, ma’am.”

“Hillary,’’ she corrected him. “Please, call me Hillary.”

“Ma’am, we’ve discussed this…”

“How about just when we’re alone together?” she asked. “Hillary, okay?”

“Hillary,” he repeated. “Let’s get you home.”

/////

It had been three days. Three, hectic, fast days. And in those three days Hillary had expected for the guilt to come. For it to rain down on her like heavy ash and suffocate her in the smoldering embers of her transgression. But it never came. Instead she was happier, lighter, more herself than she had been since that hot August morning. 

Al’s prognosis hung in the air, whilst he had survived surgery, he still had a long road ahead of him. The doctors had yet to lift his sedation, leaving Tipper and their children in limbo. Her heart broke for them, but it also reminded her that she could have very much suffered the same fate, or worse. And that in itself was a stinging reality. Maybe the very reason she was so at peace with herself.

She had only encountered Bill twice since coming back from John’s. Both times in a professional setting, once in the East Wing and once in the situation room. At first, she had wondered if Bill knew, but then quickly decided that she didn’t care. Right now, she was focusing on herself. Letting herself heal and breathe and live. 

All of that was about to change. Hillary just didn’t know how much. Peter knocked softly on her private office door and waited for her to reply before pushing it open and entering.

“Peter,” she smiled as she looked up from her work. “Care to join me for a cup of tea?”

“Uh…no thank you, ma’am….Hillary.” he replied. “The President has requested your presence in the residence.” 

“What does he need?”

“I wasn’t told, just that he wants you to join him.”

Hillary closed her file. “Very well then,” she huffed. “I hate being summoned.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’m just the messenger.”

“I know.” she replied, slipping her shoes back on. “I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just come here. I would have at least been more comfortable.”

“Would you like me to extend the invitation?”

“No.” she shook her head. “It’s easier for me to go there.”

/////

Hillary found Bill at the dry bar in the family room of the residence. He was pouring two glasses of what appeared to be whiskey. 

“Drink, Hillary?”

Well that was ominous, she decided. “Sure,” she agreed. Anything to soften any interaction that was going to take place between them. 

Bill extended his right hand with the tumbler in it. “I’m glad you came.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” she asked, excepting the drink.

He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure.”

“So, what’s this about?” 

“About?”

“Yes. What did you need, Bill?” she asked. “What was so important that I had to be summoned over here? You know I hate that.”

He took a sip of his drink. And then another. Like he was trying to work up some courage. “I heard you have abandoned some of your latest projects. What kind of example does that set for your staff?”

“I did not abandon my projects. I found someone better suited to replace me and I stepped aside. Is that what this is about? Because I delegated some tasks?”

“Yes.” He almost bit out. 

“Mmm.” she sighed, raising her glass to her lips. “You’re lying.”

Silence hung between them for several moments. And then finally he calmed his inner thoughts down enough to speak. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“You know,” he insinuated.

She shrugged, sitting her glass down on a nearby table. “Really, Bill, I don’t. You’re being incredibly vague.” And when she was met with silence again, she turned to leave. 

“Kerry.” he uttered just above a whisper.

“I’m sorry?” she turned to face him again.

“Is it true that you’re seeing John Kerry?”

“Seeing?” she pretended to ponder the word over in her head before answering. “I see John almost every day. We’re on the same committee.”

“I know you’ve been spending time with him,” he confessed. “I’ve heard the rumors.”

“Have you, now?” she shook her head. “Since when is anything I do any of your concern?”

“You’re my wife.”

Hillary scoffed. “For now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Like I told you before, I’m weighing my options, Bill.”

He finished off his drink and practically slammed the empty glass down on the bar. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I’m putting myself first,” she stood firm, stood her ground. “We’ve been through all of this before.”

“You want a divorce?” he concluded. “If you want one just ask. Just come out and say the words, Hillary!”

“I never said that.”

“So, what I’m just supposed to let this affair with Kerry go? Just let you carry on with him? Let you do whatever it is that you want?” he was turning red with anger. “Because that’s sure as hell not going to happen.”

“I’m not asking for your permission, Bill,” she told him. “I just want be as selfish as you have been. I want to be able to have my cake and eat it too. Just like you’ve done in the past. Just like you’ve done with that young intern.”

“I’ve apologized. I’ve made amends in the past. I can make things right again, Hillary, you know I can.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if that’s what I want anymore. I don’t think I can do this again.”

“It will never happen again…”

“I’ve heard that bullshit before. I’ve swallowed it down and excepted it. But that won’t do this time. If I don’t give you any more chances, then it will for sure never happen again.”

Bill was seething. Absolutely seething. Even though he had fucked up and royally so this time he couldn’t help but to be enraged. “Then what do you want, Hillary?”

“I want the grace and the forgiveness I’ve given you all these years. I want to know I’m worthy.”

“You’ve always been worthy.”

“I want to know I’m worthy of your forgiveness.”

Her words hit him in the chest like a ton of bricks. “So, it’s true then?” he asked, again. “You’ve been having an affair with Kerry? You’ve been sleeping with him?”

For some reason Hillary felt…empowered. Justified. “I’ve been spending some time with John, yes.”

“I want to hear the words!” he bellowed. “Are you sleeping with him?”

Hillary took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “That’s not any of your business…”

“Hillary!”

“I’m not answering your questions, Bill,” she said, her voice firm. “I don’t owe you anything. Not a goddamn thing!”

Bill looked at her defeated. Like all the air had been let out of his ego. His shoulders slumped and he hung his head. “I know you don’t.” All the bravado was gone. And he had never felt so vulnerable. Never felt so sure he was going to lose her. “I’m sorry.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, you’re always sorry. But never sorry enough to get help for your issues.”

“I am this time,” he implored. “I’m going to be a better husband, a better man, you can count on that.”

She just shook her head. 

“What?”

“I’m just…I’m so bored of this shit!” she said, loudly. “Of the lying and the cheating, and the fucking meaningless apologies!” 

“I’m trying, Hillary!”

“Not hard enough!”

“What do you want me to do?” he sobbed. “I’ve started going to therapy. I’m taking charge of this. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”

“Because you want to? Or because you’re trying to make yourself look good for the Nation? For the world? Is this for real or a publicity stunt? Do you want to change, or do you want to keep up appearances?”

“Appearances,” he repeated. “Is that what you think this is?”

“Honestly, Bill, I don’t know anymore. I have no idea what to think or feel about any of this I just know that it’s been a long two months and I’m tired. So tired. I want better. I deserve better.”

“And you think Kerry can give you better?”

“This isn’t about John, this is about you. This about us and right now, we’re broken, Bill. As broken as we’ve ever been.”

“I’m trying to fix this!”

“That’s just the thing, Bill, I don’t know if this can be fixed. If I want it to be fixed,” she admitted. “I have to do what’s right for me for a change. Chelsea is older now, and she understands so much more. What kind of example am I setting for her? What kind of example are we setting for her?”

Bill lowered his head, hung it in defeat. She was right, absolutely right. They could no longer hide things from Chelsea, could no longer cover them up, or explain them away. He has set a horrible example for his daughter, forced Hillary to do the same. Now he had to take responsibility for his actions. And that hurt beyond comprehension. 

“I’ve made a mess of things.”

Hillary nodded. “That you have.”

“Can this be fixed?” he asked, again as he raised his head. Tears swam in his ocean blue eyes. “Am I ever going to be able to repair the damage I’ve done?”

“I don’t know, Bill,” she shrugged. “This is decades worth of trauma.”

The room grew quiet, eerily so. So much had been said. So much had been heard. And now they were digesting it all. Where they went from here was so undecided. For the first time in all their years together this really did look like the end for them. Endings were terrifying. So finite and definite. 

“Mr. President,” a firm voice echoed throughout the silence. “Mr. Podesta is on his way up.”

Bill nodded. “Thank you, Max.”

“Meeting?” Hillary asked. 

Bill shook his head. “No.”

John Podesta entered the room, his shoulders held back, head high. But his eyes, his eyes betrayed him. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

“John?” Hillary questioned, moving toward him. “What’s happened?”

“I’m glad the two of you are together.” he said, looking between the President and the First Lady. “Makes this a little easier,” he told them even though his voice betrayed him. 

Bill blanched. “It’s Al isn’t it?”

John shook his head. “I’m afraid so, Bill. He suffered a massive coronary about an hour ago. The doctors…they did everything they could…he…Al didn’t make it.”

The news stunned Bill speechless. His eyes welled up with tears and he swallowed thickly. He wasn’t prepared for this. The entire time he had only thought positively, he couldn’t afford to think any other way. 

“Thank you, John.” Hillary broke the silence, wiping away tears she wasn’t aware had fallen. “I’m sure there’s a protocol in place?”

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am,” he replied. “The Gore’s have asked for some time to notify family and friends.”

“Whatever they need,” she told him. “Bill and I will do whatever we can. Nobody makes an announcement until Tipper gives the word.”

“Of course, ma’am,” he replied. “I’ll be in my office.”

Hillary closed the door behind John as he left and looked over at Bill. He was distraught. Absolutely distraught. Her heart broke for him. No matter how mad she was at him, she loved him with all of her heart and soul. “I’ll get you a drink,” she made her way over to the bar and poured a generous amount of whiskey in his glass.

Silent tears streamed down his face. “This is it, isn’t it?” he asked, sniffling. “I’m all alone. Momma’s gone, Roger’s an opportunist, Chelsea can’t even look me in the eye, and you’re leaving me.”

She looked down into the amber liquid, pushing down her personal feelings. “I’m here, aren’t I?” she asked, lifting her eyes to meet his. 

Tbc….


	5. Chapter 5

Out of Ashes

Hillary shut the Master bedroom door behind them as Bill went for the corded phone on the nightstand. He knew that this was the hardest call he would ever have to make. He had been touted as a master speaker, with no shortage of words for any occasion. But in that moment, he was stuck. His brain and his words wouldn’t align. They were caught in his throat and all he was left with were choking sobs. 

“Bill,” Hillary reached for the phone in his hand. “Just wait awhile, okay? You don’t have to make the call right now. Give Tipper and the kids some time.” She placed the phone back in place and guided him to sit down on the side of the bed. “Give yourself some time.”

He nodded, silent tears streaming down his face. “I let him down. I let everyone down. It should have been me out there…it could have been you, Hillary. You were there. You and Al have taken on so much responsibility since I fucked everything up. Maybe I should have just resigned.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, resigning isn’t an option.” she said, firmly. “It never was. Your personal faults have nothing to do with the way you lead this country. You’re a damn good President. And no matter how I feel about you right now that is an unwavering fact.”

“My personal recklessness is responsible for Al’s death. That was my event booked months in advance, I was the one who should have been there at that podium.”

“I know that you’re feeling incredibly guilty, and for so many reason’s right now, but this isn’t your doing. It’s not your cross to bear. This country, our country, needs a leader right now. More than ever. We cannot let them down, Bill. We will not let them down.”

Bill sat, quietly, digesting her words. He knew that she was right, they needed to be a united team. He needed to take the reins and be the leader she believed with all her heart that he was. “I cannot do it without you, Hillary.” 

“I’m right here with you,” she assured him. “This is going to be a defining moment in this presidency. This is where we’re going to show them just what we’re made of, Bill.”

He reached out for her hand and pulled her closer to him. “Thank you,” he said, looking up at her. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

She wiped away his tears with the pads of her thumbs. “Oh, I think that I do,” she smiled, softly. “I do love you, Bill. Very much.”

Instinctively his hands settled on her hips. “I love you, too, baby,” he wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her closer to him, burying his face into her stomach, right below her breasts. “I’m so lost without you. I need you so much.”

Hillary ran her fingers through his salt and pepper hair. “I’m here,” she whispered, “We’ll figure this out together.”

He tipped his head to look up at her. “I don’t deserve you.”

She gave him a slight smile. “No, you don’t.”

“I never have,” he replied. “But maybe one day I will.”

“Maybe.” she hummed.

Bill buried his face back into her warm letting her sweet scent surrounding him, calming him like a balm. Hillary went back to stroking his hair. And together they just existed in the moment. Husband and wife. Deep down they both knew that they needed each other to survive but papering over the cracks was no longer an option. 

They weren’t quite sure how it had happened, what had started it, and whilst neither of them had stopped it. It was explosively dangerous territory. An action that would solve nothing and hurt much more once it was over. But it was what it was, and they were who they were. And lovemaking had never been their weak spot. 

The undressing was slow, tedious, almost. Unhurried in their quest as though they were the only two people that existed in the entire world. Soft touches and even softer kisses had passed between them until she was situated under him. Blonde hair fanned out on elegant bedding, open thighs cradled his body, lust laden eyes drinking him in. 

Words weren’t need. Not when they cold touch and feel and explore. Not when everything between them had already been said a million times over. Although, it didn’t stop him from whispering them against her flushed skin, willing them sink into her entire being. Her hips raised in invitation and when he didn’t follow through quite quickly enough, she snaked her hand between their naked bodies and pressed him against her sopping entrance. 

She was so wet. And for a raw moment she felt ashamed. Ashamed that she had not only given into him, into their desires, but that her body had the audacity to betray her so powerfully. She was so desperate for him, for his touch, that the wetness seeped from her body and dripped onto the bedding beneath her. 

The mushroomed tip of his throbbing cock pressed against the tight muscles of her core wanting nothing more than to be surrounded into the wet warmth he knew awaited him. But he didn’t want to cheapen the act. He wanted her to feel as much love as possible, so he ignored his enate instinct to get them to the finish line quickly and slowed them down. 

“Hey, wait,” he pulled up to look at her. “Give me your hands.” He threaded their fingers together and placed her hand against the mattress on either side of her head. “Now,” he breathed out, not knowing how much he could withstand. “Now, take me inside,” he husked. “Slowly.”

His eyes burned down into hers and suddenly everything felt heightened. She couldn’t look away from him, from the love that he was pouring down onto her., into her. On his lips was a silent prayer that it seeped into her soul and that they could healed together. 

With an upward tilt of her hips he was slipping inside of her. He held his breath at the sensation of her wet heat stretching around his thick cock. Nothing had ever felt more right, more perfect. It was more than that, it was home. And when he was buried deep inside of her he felt tears spill from his eyes. He was thankful, grateful, and incredibly humbled at the creature beneath him. Feelings he never wanted to forget. 

Hillary closed her eyes at the onslaught of emotion, her own tears slipped down into her hair. She felt so full. Her heart, her soul, her body. This is what he did to her. This is always what he did to her. And it made forgiveness come quickly and wholeheartedly. But she would hate herself for it later. Right now, she was going to enjoy him. Them. 

“Look at me.” Bill said, softly. “I want to see you.”

Her eyes struggled to open, but finally he came back into focus. He was handsome and oh so sexy, looking down at her like she was his most prized possession. Possession. Maybe that was the problem. She was his. Rather she wanted to be or not. 

An obscene moan unabashedly escaped her kiss swollen lips. One that echoed in her throat and burnt her lungs. Her hips bucked in response to the fullness of his hard cock and he pressed deeper into her, still. Never retreating, just pushing deeper and deeper until she was so sunken into the mattress she couldn’t move. 

A gut-wrenching sob tore from his throat, one of pleasure and mixed with pain and relief all in one. This is where he belonged. He was desperate for her, desperate for her favor, for her love, and warmth. And right now, all of that was attainable. Anything was attainable in her arms. 

Kisses passed between them, decadent ones that were sensual and measured. Ones that breathed a lifeline into the other. Their bodies began to move out of need, falling back into a well- known rhythm that they reveled in. This is what love was supposed to be like. All consuming and quick to forgive.

Small whimpers and deep breathing fluttered around the room as they continued the push-pull dance. He was so swollen inside of her it created a delicious ache between her thighs. One that would be etched into her brain and her muscles for days to come. 

Bill blushed as he continued to thrust in and out of her, his whole body on absolute edge. The way she looked at him, her body’s response to his, everything felt so good. Too good. Better than he deserved. 

“Can you come for me?” he asked, dipping his head to nip at her neck. His lips slid up to her ear. “Please?” His breath was so hot against her and she whimpered, a shiver running down her spine. 

“I….I need…”

Bill knew exactly what she needed, he adjusted the angle of his hips and she immediately pulled her legs back toward her, opening herself up to him even more. The thrust of his hips that followed were hard and intense, but still liquid smooth. Her back arched and he pounded deeper and deeper until she was whimpering incoherently. 

She practically bowed beneath him, her hips arched up to meet his, swollen clit finding delicious friction against his lower abdomen. Oh, how she had needed this, had needed him. Sex with John was damn good, but sex with Bill was indescribable. He knew her body and exactly what it needed even before she did sometimes. 

“You’re so close,” he groaned, feeling her grow tighter and slicker around his cock. Tempo of his strokes never relented, keeping up an incredible pace that had his balls so tight it was painful. 

Dark blue eyes were locked with his, willing them to say everything she could not in that overwhelming moment. He looked down at her with such tenderness and love that she came beautifully undone. White hot rippling waves coursed through her entire being, velvety walls convulsing around his still thrusting cock. She sobbed in such immense pleasure until everything around her went momentarily black. 

Bill bit down on his bottom lip and growled at the scene before him. He loved her more than words could ever express. So beautiful and sexy and sensual. He grunted repetitively, tears spilling from his eyes as he gave into her, letting her warm rippling walls milk every last drop of come from his body.

He collapsed down against her completely spent and she welcomed him, wrapping her arms around him. No words were needed. She gently stroked the hair at the nape of his neck, and he cried into her curve of her shoulder. The silence between comfortable and powerful. 

After what felt like an eternity, when their breathing had regulated and his tears had ebbed, he pulled up to look at her. They were both striped down of brava and incredibly raw. Her lips meet his for a tender, lingering kiss. Euphoria engulfed them. They were meant to endure. 

The sharp ringing of the telephone pulled them out of their bliss. A striking contrast of reality and the outside world. “You need to get that,” she whispered, emotion choking her. “It’s probably Tipper.”

Bill eased back from her warm embrace, whimpering a bit as he separated their bodies. “Sorry,” he blushed slightly at the mess they had created. 

“It’s okay,” she gently touched his cheek. “I’ll take care of it. You answer the phone.”

He shifted and sat up on the bed. “Hello?” he answered, willing his voice to be calm and measured. “Of course, John, put her through.” He took a deep breath as he waited for them to be connected. He watched as Hillary made her way to the master bathroom, whimpering slightly with every step. He smiled to himself, God how he loved her. 

“Tipper,” he greeted her and then took a deep breath. “Hillary and I are…we cannot find the words to express how truly sorry we are...” As Bill continued his conversation Hillary emerged from the bathroom and started to redress. His eyes followed every movement, watching her intently. When she reached down to pick her sweater up off the floor, his eyes zeroed in on a red mark at the top of her shoulder blade. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it, he squinted to make sure of what he was seeing and then his eyes grew larger on recognition. 

He struggled to get through the rest of the conversation. He shut his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to refocus but it only made matters worse. His wife’s lover had left a mark on her pale skin. There was no mistaking it. The rumors were more than true. She was sleeping with John Kerry. 

“How is she?” Hillary asked when he hung up the phone.

Bill took a few moments to compose himself before replying. Moments ago, everything was bliss. And now he was drowning. “You need to go…” his voice was sharper than he meant. “And get ready,” he amended, softer. “We’re going to have a press conference in about an hour.”

Hillary nodded, the reality of what had just happened between them sinking into her like a hot iron. His tenderness was gone and his anger from earlier had returned full force. “Of course,” she replied, tears springing forth in her blue eyes and she willed them not to fall. “I’ll meet you in the situation room.”

Tbc…


	6. Chapter 6

Out of Ashes

The press conference, although a brief one, seemed as though it took forever. At one point, Hillary couldn’t hold back her tears and decided instead to just let them flow. They were not only for the Second Family, but the First as well. Bill had fucked up, she had fucked up, and together they had made an absolute disaster of things.

Something shifted between Bill and her from the time they made love to the time he was on the phone with Tipper. It wasn’t until she had gotten back to Blair House and got ready for the press conference that she realized what it was. There was a small mark on the back of her shoulder. She remembered John’s lips sliding over tender, wet, flesh when they were in the shower together a few days prior. Something she never thought about, something she never had to think about before.

Ending up in bed with Bill again was an absolute disaster. One of the worst decisions she could have made, but in the moment God, how she had wanted him. How her body craved his touch. And she knew that if she had to do it all over again, she would be on her back with her legs spread for him. Even at this very moment if he would ask.

He was always her weakness, always her soft spot. He knew it and he used it to his advantage, and she often used it to hers. But things were so different. It danced heavy in the shared air between them. The weight of her infidelity somehow hung over them like a dark cloud. Like in his own fucked up way there was no coming back from this.

Hillary closed the door to his private study, the catching of the latch caused Bill to look up from his desk. His glasses were perched on the end of his nose and his hair was disheveled from running is hands through it. “You can go home now.”

Her temper flared, but she swallowed down her anger. She would not be dismissed. He would not dismiss her. “I think we need to talk, Bill.”

“I don’t have time.”

“Make time.”

Bill went back to his work. “I have a lot of figure out right now,” he said, dismissingly. “In case you’ve forgotten I just lost my Vice President.”

Hillary was in front of him now. “In case you’ve forgotten, I was standing beside him when he was shot,” she placed her hands down on her desk, leaning over it slightly. “We need to talk, Bill.”

He sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. “What’s so important?”

“What happened?” she asked. “Why all of the sudden are you shutting me out?”

“I’m just busy.”

Hillary scoffed. “You weren’t busy two hours ago.”

“No, two hours ago I thought I was reconnecting with my wife,” he told her. “Turns out she would rather be spending her time with someone else.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“I know you slept with John,” he offered up. “You cannot deny it this time. I saw the mark, his mark, on your shoulder when you were getting dressed earlier.”

“You fucking hypocrite!” she slammed her hands back down on his desk and he startled in response. “How can you sit there and keep a straight face?”

“I thought we were rebuilding, Hillary?” he asked. “I thought we were going to work on our marriage?”

“Rebuilding?” she asked. “We weren’t rebuilding anything, Bill! We had sex. That’s not a magical solution.”

“Then why did you let it happen?” he asked, on the verge of tears or eruption, she couldn’t be sure which.

She knew she was at fault too, maybe even leading him on a bit that things were better than what they were. “It felt right in the moment,” she said, honestly. “It just doesn’t make everything okay again, Bill. Not this time.”

“Do you regret it?”

Hillary drew in a deep breath. “Bill…we just found out about Al and…”

“Do you regret it?”

“No.”

“See,” he pointed out. “It obviously meant something to you.”

“Of course it did,” her voice softened. “It just didn’t erase everything that’s happened between us.”

“Can you be honest with me?” he asked. “Honest about John Kerry?”

Hillary exhaled heavily and sat down in the chair across from his desk. “Without going into…details, I’ll answer your questions.”

“Thank you.” He knew it was far more than he deserved given the current circumstances. Because she owed him nothing. And he owed her everything. “I know you’ve been spending a lot of time together."

I wouldn’t say a lot.”

“Okay then…you’ve been spending some time together.”

“Yes, you put us on the same project back in the Spring.”

“When did it start?”

“What?” she questioned. “The friendship?”

“No, the relationship.”

“My relationship with John is friendship, Bill. That’s it. We’re friends,” she explained. “We’re both going through the same thing right now. I’m not carrying on a grand love affair with him.”

“You’ve obviously had sex with him” he pointed out, motioning to his shoulder. “There’s an unmistakable mark right above your left shoulder blade.”

Hillary’s heartbeat quickened. She had never been on this side of the questioning before, but she had agreed to answer his questions. “Yes,” she confirmed without elaborating.

“Yes…what?” he wanted her to say the words. He needed her to say the words.

Her mouth was suddenly dry. “Yes, I’ve had sex with him.”

“When did it start?”

“Just recently.”

Bill nodded, digesting the information. “I see.” Several long moments passed between them. “Are you going to continue…sleeping with him?”

Hillary shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He choked on a sob. “You don’t know?”

“You wanted me to be honest, Bill, and I’m being as honest as I can,” she explained. “I’m sorry you don’t like my answers.”

“So this is it? Our marriage is just…done?”

“I never said that,” she countered. “I just need some time, that’s all. I need room to breathe and space to figure things out for myself before I make any decisions on the future.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh, Bill, I don’t want to lose you either,” she said, through tears. “I just need to live for me for a little while. Find myself again. I don’t want to come back into this marriage with what-ifs and regrets. I want to do it with my eyes open, my mind free of doubts. Isn’t that what you want, too?”

“Yes,” he answered, hoarsely. “I just don’t like the thought of you with someone else. I never have. I can’t help it. It eats at my soul.”

“And you think I enjoyed it?” she asked. “I enjoyed sharing you with those whores? You don’t think it made my skin crawl? Made me jealous? Made me feel as though I wasn’t good enough? Sexy enough? Beautiful enough?” her voice climbed with every question she asked. “So, I’m sorry, Bill, I really am. Sorry that just this one time I’ve made you feel like that when you’ve done it to me countless times!”

Bill winced at having his transgressions read back to him. All the pain he had caused her over the years, the pain he had caused their marriage, and their daughter. Their precious, innocent, daughter. The daughter that could no longer look him in the eye. “All I can say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I’m working on my actions to do better,” he told her for the hundredth time. “But you and I are different, Hillary. You’re better than me. This thing with John, it’s so beneath you, beneath your morals and dignity.”

“I’m not sure I have any dignity left, Bill, you’ve managed to shatter that for me. Half of the nation looks at me with pity and the other half thinks I got what I deserved.” she shook her head. “There is no dignity, just shame. Brutal, gut-wrenching shame.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again. “You deserve better. I’m just asking you not to do something that you’re going to regret. Something that will cause you even more pain.”

“Yes, I do deserve better,” she agreed. “And if you want this marriage to work then you’re going to have to do a hell of a lot of work on yourself. I love you, Bill, but I will not stay in this marriage if you can’t change. And I know I’ve made myself a hypocrite, but I have to know if staying with you is what I truly want.”

Bill nodded, taking it all in. He scrubbed his hands over his face and when he looked up, he saw Hillary in tears. He was immediately on his feet, quickly stalking over to him. “Please don’t cry, darlin’.” he crouched down in front of her. “Please.”

Hillary reached out for him, wrapping her arms tightly around him and sobbed into his shoulder “I’m sorry, Bill.” she cried. “Please don’t hate me. I just can’t…I can’t anymore…but I don’t know how to live without you.”

He held on to her, tightly, “It’s okay,” he soothed her. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it all out. Together. I promise.”

“I’m sorry.” she sobbed over and over.

“Shhh,” he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Don’t apologize. Just let me hold you.”

/////

Hillary closed the bedroom door behind her at Blair House and leaned up against it. Everything was so open and raw. Bill. John. Al. Every aspect of her life was a mess. In the past three days she was shot at, had broken her marriage vows, had broken her own vow by having sex with Bill, and now the survivor’s guilt of Al’s death was crushing her. Everything was so out of control, so out of her control.

Tears started to fall all over again and for what she wasn’t entire sure. One aspect just as heavy as another and all of them combined were devastating. There was one thing for certain, she didn’t want to be alone. That was an unbearable thought. The telephone was in her hand before she realized it, but she couldn’t bring herself to dial the number. With a heavy sigh she placed it back in the cradle and left the bedroom instead.

Peter was filling out some paperwork in the Foyer. He had heard her coming, his Marine training had heard the unlatching of her bedroom door and the padding of her shoes against the carpet on the stairs. He was immediately on his feet.

“I’ll get the car,” he said. “A little too cold for a walk tonight.”

Hillary shook her head. “I don’t want to go out, Peter.”

He arched his eyebrow. “No?” he questioned. “I can arrange for Senator Kerry to come here.”

“Thank you, but that’s okay,” she told him. “I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want see anyone either.”

“What can I help you with then, Hillary?”

She smiled at the use of her first name becoming easier for him. “Could you just come upstairs in a bit and stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you,” she replied. “I’m going to get ready for bed, so about twenty minutes or so.”

“I’ll inform the others. I can I bring anything up for you?”

“You can bring whatever you were working on, I won’t bother you, I promise. I know it’s an odd request…”

“It’s not,” he assured her. “I’ll be up in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you, Peter,” she smiled softly. “You are my saving grace these days.”

Hillary settled comfortably into her bed. She was exhausted but sleep seemed to be eluding her. Peter was sitting across the room, low lamplight shining on his paperwork. She watched as he knitted his brows in concentration as his pen slid across the paper.

“Does your wife mind when you work the evening shift?” she asked, sitting up in bed a bit.

“She’s gotten used to it over the past few years,” he replied. “Isaac still isn’t sleeping thru the night so when I get home it allows her to take a nap. I take David to school and then the baby and I go to Mommy and Me or in my case, Daddy and Me.”

Hillary laughed at the image of 6’4”, former Marine Seal Peter sitting around in a circle with mostly other mothers. “I think I would pay to see that.”

He flashed a genuine smile. “At first it was an adjustment,” he told her. “I’ve been made part of the crew now. It’s pretty fun. Sometimes Natalie joins us.”

“Family time is so important, Peter. Before you know it, your boys will be teenagers. Make sure you savor every precious moment.”

“We try our very best and of course it’s helpful that everyone here is so nice about trading shifts and being flexible.”

“Good, I’m glad.” she laid back down against the pillows. “Time is the one thing you can never get back.”

“I know you miss Chelsea,” he said, softly. “We can arrange a trip if you would like.”

“I do,” she sighed. “But the best place for her right now is with my mom. At least until things even out a little here.

“She’ll be home soon,” he assured her. “Just a few more days.”

Hillary closed her eyes. Just a few more days. She could get through a few more days. And it would give her time to pull herself together.

tbc…


End file.
